The Knobbly Bits of Friendship: Delights of the Ordinary No. 33

Hi, I am Anugrah. I write Delights of the Ordinary for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone. This newsletter intersects culture, art and our practical 9-5 job space. If you know even one person who will benefit from reading Delights of the Ordinary, feel free to share so they can subscribe.

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…as a remembrance of an affectionate friendship which has subsisted between us for nine years without a break and without a single act of violence that I can call to mind. I suppose there is nothing like it in heaven; and not likely to be, until we get there and show off. I often think of it with longing, and how they'll say, "there they come--sit down in front." I am practi[s]ing with a tin halo. You do the same. I was at Henry Roger's last night, and of course we talked of you. He is not at all well--you will not like to hear that; but like you and me, he is just as lovely as ever.

- Letter to Helen Keller from Mark Twain, 1903.

(Hellen Keller and Mark Twain were very best friends of their times.)

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

Old shoes are easy but old friends are the best!

Best and easy! Slowly taking the shape of knobs and knuckles around our feet. Like slow swings in the spring, sort of smooth slides in the rain. Or, like an old pair of oft-worn jeans! Snugging nicely onto our bones, curves and gaps, that you live in and with it!

If you still hang out with your old friends or are in touch with them, then you are the blessed one living the traits of heaven in our harsh blazing world. Because long-tied old friendships unhurriedly expand into much ease just as creepers would. They work their way up in all directions, carving through the distinctions of errors and rugged spaces. Through the arguments and fights, misunderstandings and even combats. To, finally hang around beautifully without screaming for attention.

And since this month of February somewhere thrusts you to talk about love (which is good in a way because we may not even consider love as a requisite to life) we don’t ignore what a stunning way love is displayed in our friendships.

The Good-Ol’ Days of Friendship

When children make war over a toy with friends, they are completely dealing with a buddy they know well. Because in another two seconds, the toy is shared again, down rightly obvious that the treasures of dry twigs, leaves, pebbles and pigeon feathers are exchanged with utter sincerity and solemnity. A love so deep! The selfless, grow-together kind; world war theme fights that would resolve with some pinky promises and swears!

I guess old friends are such a gooey essence of our lives that even if we are continents apart or a block apart, we must remain on all occasions - Friends! Those friends who would stump you with the wisdom when you least expected but would at times do something extremely foolish that you would wonder if a pact of friendship was ever made between you two!

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’ ”

- The Problem of Pain by C. S. Lewis.

The Deficit of Friendship

It was more than 2,300 years ago when the Greek philosopher Aristotle saw the pressing worth of friendship: “For friendship is a virtue, or involves virtue; and also it is one of the most indispensable requirements of life… In fact rich men, rulers and potentates are thought especially to require friends, since what would be the good of their prosperity without an outlet for beneficence,… And in poverty or any other misfortune men think friends are their only resource.”

The data suggests that as a generation we are getting more friendless and the epidemic of isolation and loneliness is rampant especially when we prefer to set our lives indoors, and binge-watch Netflix rather than move outdoors! According to Tracy Brower, PhD, Forbes Senior Contributor, “A poll of about 1,200 people by YouGov found 27% of Millennials have no close friends and 22% report they have no friends at all. Fifteen percent of Gen X and 9% of Baby Boomers also report having a lack of close friends. In addition, 30% of Millennials said they feel lonely “always” or “often” while 20% of Gen X and 15% of Baby Boomers said the same. Most people find it difficult to make friends because they’re shy (53%), but people also report friendship is too much work (20%) or they are too busy (14%).”

We may or may not have a casual outlook towards old friendships but studies show that our friendships tend to turnaround approximately every seven years! The Netherlands Organization for Scientific Research discovered that friends and relationships continue to shift in our lifetime. Approximately, every seven years down the line we have only 48% of our relationships that remain the same while the rest changes. This is probably because our life situations and circumstances alter as we move to different locations, work, get married and have children.

A diminishing circle of friends is the first terrible diagnostic of a life in deep trouble: of overwork, of too much emphasis on a professional identity, of forgetting who will be there when our armoured personalities run into the inevitable natural disasters and vulnerabilities found in even the most average existence.

—David Whyte, on Friendship

And since we don’t have a societal configuration for ‘how to do friendships,’ unlike other relationships, since we don’t sign legal documents, don’t file for separation or submit our resignation in our friendships, we essentially do not have the ABC to do it well. So in all, we at best may make sure that we stick around our vintage friends. Make sure that our fingerprints slowly merge within the beaming, reflective light of each other. Our old friendships are the nostalgic dwellings, the shared spaces, reminiscence of events, rugged adventure, sharing riddles, and doing some horrendous mischief which only your friends would know.

To most of us, society shows not its face and eye, but its side and its back and amidst this as C.S. Lewis puts it, our “Friendships are like naked personalities” but without embarrassment and shame.

I believe we are all fighting this great battle of life and friends are those tents where we take shelter, where we fade to become ourselves once more. The world has taught us to live a certain way, but old friendships will always remind you of the child you left behind.

Like slow swings of spring, Like smooth slides in the rain. Like Home!

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Now to my faves links of the week:

To Ponder: Carl Adamshick, an American Poet writes, “Saint friend/ carry me when I am tired and carry yourself.” 

To Watch: “Let’s Be Enemies” is a beautiful book on how essential a child-like friendship is and how adults should learn from them! James and John are such best buddies that they had chicken pox together! Still, John decides to break his friendship with James and declares him his enemy. Later the story takes such a cute turn! Watch this short 3-minute video where this tweety-voiced child reads this tiny story to us.

To Happy Scroll: Charles Mackesy is the author of the book The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse. The story of strangers who meet each other on the journey, discovering themselves and cheering onto each other.

“Sometimes,” said the boy, “I feel I haven’t achieved anything.”

“You’ve been a friend,” said the horse, “which is a magnificent thing.”

Click here to happily scroll Charles Mackesy’s Instagram page.

To End:

On Friendship by Khalil Gibran (1883-1931)

    And let your best be for your friend.
    If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
    For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
    Seek him always with hours to live.
    For it is his to fill your need but not your emptiness.
    And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
    For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Thank you for reading. May your life be filled with friends who are like dew drops of laughter and with them you will find your refreshing mornings.

- Anugrah

Delights of the Ordinary

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Delights of the Ordinary started somewhere in April of twenty-twenty-three with just two readers and now has a readership of 140+ of you. I am highly grateful for the time and room that you give me in your heart.

Delights of the Ordinary currently is a free publication. Yet it takes me many hours of effort to write and curate it. I may need lots of coffee to keep me going. You can :)

Stumbled on my publication? Explore all my previous editions here. And in case you don’t wish to spend time browsing then complement this post with We are still learning to love, Hold Onto Your Memories or read about The Art of Walking.

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