We Are Still Learning To Love : Delights of the Ordinary No. 32

Love!

Hi, I am Anugrah. I write Delights of the Ordinary for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone. This newsletter intersects culture, art and our practical 9-5 job space. If you know even one person who will benefit from reading Delights of the Ordinary, feel free to share so they can subscribe.

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I became my own only when I gave myself to Another.

- C.S. Lewis

Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

As long as the poem of our lives unspools itself into the sunsets, making its way towards eternity, we all in the ordinaries will nonetheless be preening to our sunflowers and lilies and sometimes to our briars and thistles.

Thus, when Delights of the Ordinary sets out to reach 137 readers like you, and you open your inbox, choose to click, and read what I bring you each week, I believe that you are among the sane ones who are not yet twisted into the mercenaries of social media annihilation.

Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash

Especially, if you have been a part of the 90’s generation. Since, in those times phones were tied to spring-looking wire and we were so much freer. Versus what the post-modern era enticed us in the name of freedom and convenience, we have become slaves to the things we did not even ask for!

And, hence if you haven’t yet paid attention, then look around and you will know that the retail and the social media market complex is spin-wheeling the advertising and marketing with the notion that ‘Love is in the air!’ The market gambit dictates days by name like Teddy Day, Hug Day, Rose Day, Chocolate Day and many more.

Hence, when everything is about branding these days and focusing solely on electric-pink-themed galas and events, I wonder if it is even worth talking about those who are heart-stricken and downcast, who have no one to love, or perhaps people who lost their dears?

Who might be bursting with love but have no one to give or to ask for it. Because loss is not unlike love - “[the] two metaphors are woven of spacetime…”

The Basic Emotions Theory

Accordingly in psychology, ‘The Basic Emotions Theory,' tells us that there are six emotions, most often listed as :

1. happiness,

2. sadness,

3. anger,

4. surprise,

5. disgust and

6. fear.

These are universal, hardwired, hard-woven outcomes of evolution.

And if you notice love is not on this list of emotions! Why?

Because love is a virtue, part of our inner character and not simply an emotion. Unlike any other emotion which is reminded by an unvarying facial expression, Love has no single identifiable facial expression affixed to it, claims The Basic Emotions Theory. “Intentionality is at the heart… of love; what a person means when he or she ‘loves’ must be expressed in words, tones of voice and gestures. Faces may play a role, but not necessarily.”

There is a sense in which love’s truth is proved by its end, by what it becomes in us, and what we, by virtue of love, become. But love, like faith, occurs in the innermost recesses of a person’s spirit, and we can see only inward in this regard, and not very clearly.

- Christian Wiman in his meditative memoir My Bright Abyss

Sunflowers and Lilies

So, if you know someone who is unspooling life in their loneliness make efforts to go beyond your lethargic text messages. Rather call or visit them and tell them that love is supposed to be courageous and the world is supposed to be wonderful. We have made them opposites. Love- limited to just awesome romances and the world - so difficult that you have to brave it!

And hence it is essential for us to know that love is supposed to be kind. It is supposed to rain like cool showers on the broken grounds. Tell them not just by your facial expressions but by cinnamon-y words, a loud hug, a big frothy coffee and a warmly baked tea cake. Or be around them holding quietness, or singing songs together. Since love isn’t just an emotion but a virtue of our innermost place you have endless ways and endless opportunities to live this virtue.

Our Briars and Thistles

And when marketing of Love dies down, you will notice that love may not look like a big valentine every day, made up of frolic and jubilations of happiness (which is emoted invariably across all cultures.)

Rather it may look like a lot of work - when the whooping tornadoes hit, you are supposed to hold hands to face together. And the earthquake shakes you then you take shelter together. Love is not about daisies and roses. It also has thorns. That love was meant to be kind but was never easy. Because, as C.S. Lewis puts it, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Yet we can hold hands because two are better than one. 

Now as your weekly curator, perused from the world wide web:

To Watch: The instantaneous laughs and chuckles! If that is the outcome of a loving marriage then who wouldn’t want it! Watch these two peas in a pod, who have acquired incredible wisdom on practising love in marriage. This video has wise nuggets paired with resounding ear-to-ear full jollity.

To Cook: Chocolate cake and that too vegan may not sound like a good choice. But baker Sarah Magid, author of ‘Organic and Chic’ shares her perfect recipe with us. Click here for the link and maybe this weekend becomes a perfect time for you to spoil yourself and your loved ones. Happy Valentine’s Day!

To Read and Ponder : “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” —A.A. Milne - Winnie the Pooh

To End:

Let’s Love Each Other by Rumi and translated by Haleh Liza Gafori

Let’s love each other,
let’s cherish each other, my friend,
before we lose each other.

You’ll long for me when I’m gone.
You’ll make a truce with me.
So why put me on trial while I’m alive?

Why adore the dead but battle the living?

You’ll kiss the headstone of my grave.
Look, I’m lying here still as a corpse,
dead as a stone. Kiss my face instead!

I hope you will have a sparkling, sunny week and you will not give up on love and believe to walk in it, even if sometimes it looks untidy.

See you next week.

- Anugrah

Delights of the Ordinary

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Delights of the Ordinary started somewhere in April of twenty-twenty-three with just two readers and now has a readership of 100+ of you. I am highly grateful for the time and room that you give me in your heart.

Delights of the Ordinary currently is a free publication. Yet it takes me many hours of effort to write and curate it. I may need lots of coffee to keep me going. You can :)

Stumbled on my publication? Explore all my previous editions here. And in case you don’t wish to spend time browsing then complement this post with Fomo, Jomo, Wagmi And Why We Need Them in Our Lives, We are Trying to Eliminate Complications, Not Add to Them or read about The Art of Walking.

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