What do We Know About Our World and Our Relation With It: Delights of the Ordinary No. 47 (S2)
Delights of the Ordinary is for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone. This newsletter intersects culture, art, science, and philosophy with our practical 9-5 job space.
This year, or this month, or more likely, this very day, we have failed to practice ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people.
C.S. Lewis
The clouds are in the sky.
Some are moody dark dense ones. Some light fluffy-flying ones.
Some swimming lazily. Some thundering, lightning and rip-roaring their presence.
And if you would know they are almost covering the sweeping-span of the sky.
I say to myself, “It is like thick oceans flying up in there.” I know this is silly to imagine since I am an adult. But it is true.
Because clouds are condensed oceans and they carry the weight of 100 elephants in the sky! Which is also true…
Because when scientists calculated the average density of a cumulus cloud, they found, a “typical cloud weighs 500 million grams or 1.1 million pounds! Which is equal to 100 average-sized elephants, and more than our largest airplanes!”
Yet, in our adult-savvy world, which gloriously harps about the money-grubbing paradigm, where clouds are supposed to be gloomy, rains are about muddy potholes and slugs of mucky splashes and traffic jams cramped with hoots and yelling; I ruminate if we have forgotten the wonderment of looking up in the wide blue yonder and dream some imaginary stories.
Can’t we find more reasons to look outside the window and interact with the world which is beyond these ephemeral conditions and stretches?
In some manner, us humans are schooled to always look for benefits and live off things, off nature, off earth and even people. And that is not how our natural world works. That is not the way it was created. “Because life is network, there is no “nature” or “environment,” separate and apart from humans. We are part of the community of life, composed of relationships with “others…” ”
Our World: Relational vs Transactional Interaction
Mostly we establish our interactions with the world based on our surroundings while growing up. In our human-bound relations- work or home or the clouds, rain, trees or our pets, our interaction is divided into two types: transactional and relational.
Transactional is when you wake up in the morning and find out, your milk carton empty and your egg tray barren; you tap the grocery app on your phone, order milk and a dozen eggs, pay for it, get it in fifteen minutes and move on. You don’t seek to know about the CEO of the company nor do you eagerly find out about the good soul who delivered your milk and eggs. That’s about it.
Relational is when you seek something or someone not just because of what they guarantee you (like sending you your milk and eggs on time) but because there is a genuine sense of engagement even when you do not know what the deal is going to be, you sign up for it because you appreciate their point of view, their core value and you lean on to hear no matter what they happen to talk about.
“Relational connections are rooted, reciprocal, and naturally rewarding. Transactional connections are temporary, self-serving, and taxing on the mind, body, and spirit.” explains Jennifer Jones a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She further elaborates, “If you’re a people pleaser, chances are that somewhere in the history of your life you learned that relationships are transactional. For example: If I’m “good,” I won’t be punished. If I do what so-and-so wants, I will be loved. If I don’t do what so-and-so wants, they will abandon or reject me. Notice the absence of safety and security and the presence of fear and uncertainty.”
Writer Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906–2001) writes, “The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.”
So, How Do We Nurture More Relational Interactions?
Simply, remember the three P’s and the three R’s.
From what I retained from my personal readings and listening, the rule of P and R has helped me and I hope to live by them for such wisdom remains quite evident but which we habitually forget.
The 3 P’s
Dallas Albert Willard (1935-2013), a renowned American philosopher shared his 3 P’s in one of his lectures.
He told to never: Pretend, Presume and Push
Pretend: Never pretend what you are not, what you do know or don’t know. There is no joy in pretending to know everything or act a certain way. You will be tired soon.
Presume: Never presume that in life you should be or will be treated in a certain way by people. The truth of the matter is there is no guarantee how people will treat you. Self-entitlement is tremendously risky for a kind heart and a folly to hook it our emotions and feelings.
Push - Never elbow out people because you can’t see your way. Wait for things to settle. Occasionally time and (if you believe) always the creator of the universe will make a way out. Pushing never allowed any interaction to blossom into a relational sort.
The 3 R’s
Kevin Kelly in his book “Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier” shares this wisdom. He says,
“A proper apology consists of conveying the 3 Rs: regret (genuine empathy with the other) responsibility (not blaming someone else) and remedy (your willingness to fix it).”
To forgive is the bedrock of any relation and a substratum to stop any relation to rot into a transactional one - be it at our work or home or trees, clouds or rains. Thence, we discern and allow more relational and less transactional root systems to evolve within us. Maybe then thick clouds, drenching in wet rains, splashes of muddy puddles, warm hugs, will hold in us what they are meant to be - not transactional but relational!
“No one has insight into all the ideals. No one should presume to judge them off-hand. The pretension to dogmatize about them in each other is the root of most human injustices and cruelties, and the trait in human character most likely to make the angels weep.”
- psychologist and philosopher William James
Now, as your curator, I wander around the web in the hope that there’s something interesting for you to discover amongst them.
To Be Mesmerised: Andreas Wannerstedt, a Stockholm-based 3D artist who creates dream-like series of his art installations that go “against the laws of physics, defying gravity and especially reality, the possibilities are potentially endless,” calling them, “oddly satisfying” - which they certainly are!
To Watch:Relationships are like dance and here is a dance from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker, The Waltz Of The Snowflakes, performed during the pandemic with social distancing norms yet has surreal meditative vibes to it. Relax as you watch.
To End:
If I can stop one heart from breaking by Emily Dickinson
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
Till next week, look out of the window more often, call your friends for no reason and stay healthy.
-Anugrah
Note: To you who have been my diligent reader, I am highly grateful for the time and room that you give me in your heart. For in some way or another letting me know that you are echoing along. If you know even one person who will benefit from reading Delights of the Ordinary then feel free to share it with them.
Who am I?
Hi, I am Anugrah. I write Delights of the Ordinary for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone and love for life. My newsletter intersects culture, art, and inner health in our practical 9-5 job space. Feel free to share.
Delights of the Ordinary currently is a free publication. Yet it takes me many hours of effort to write and curate it. I may need lots of coffee to keep me going. You can :)
Stumbled on my publication? Explore all my previous editions here. And in case you don’t wish to spend time browsing then complement this post with The Antidote for Self-Doubt, We Imagine Because We Are Living or read about Decision Fatigue and Our Creative Life.
If you ever feel like dropping in a message or a comment, do not hesitate. We all can only thrive in people. We can be those ordinary creative beings who can change the world. You and me.