The Antidote for Self-Doubt : Delights of the Ordinary No. 42 (S2)

Let's see doubts, about ourselves, about our jobs, on things we do, why we do and perhaps if we are doing anything right in whatever we are doing!

Delights of the Ordinary is for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone. This newsletter intersects culture, art and our practical 9-5 job space.

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The afternoon was one succession of solid triumphs for everybody concerned. There were no failures at all, no tears, no parents ashamed of their offspring.

- Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggins

Photo by Omkar Ambre on Unsplash

Towards my side of the world, things are pretty humid - be it the weather, the mid-summer sun, sticky saltish air or my muggy melting spirit!

And now since the sun with the gummy salty air have schemed together, have you ever felt the same in your life, when the outside season is the exact copy of what is happening inside of you?

The liquefying dampness or probably the atrocious toasting sun rays sinking right inside of you!

Sometimes, seasons are such a mirror of how we are performing inside. It is, in the end, a matter of heart and our sinews. Isn’t it?

If I glean into my own inner weather-ic condition, especially as a writer, each time I write I feel that I am writing to no one. If it all, what I write feels totally worthless; that, who will read me and why should I continue this agony of writing? This self-suspicion doesn’t leave, exactly like Virginia Wolf says, “Well, you see, I’m a failure as a writer. I’m out of fashion: old: shan’t do any better: have no headpiece:… a damp firework.”

Hence, in a world that feels so whimsical and always out of bounds, I try to breathe a deep wondrous space in my rib cage. To know that sometimes life can be overwhelmed by crazy doubts. Doubts on ourselves, on our jobs, on things we do, why we do and perhaps if we are doing anything right in whatever we are doing!

How Should We Then Define Self-Doubt?

Tchiki Davis, PhD, a consultant, writer, and expert on well-being writes, “Self-doubt is a state of uncertainty about the truth of anything about ourselves. It could be about our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, opinions, decisions, self-views, or any "truth" we hold in our minds. Overall… we may question our self-competence.”

Despite such whip-smart bookish definitions, our ordinary lives need visual clarity of how we understand self-doubt.

Look here, then! When you say to yourself repeatedly and louder and every so often:

“What if I mess up?

What if I'll make a fool of myself?

What will people say about me?

Maybe I am just not smart enough, capable enough, qualified enough, experienced enough?”

I can’t.”

These are the times you are spinning into self-doubt drama in you.

In a more sapient context, we all have an inner voice. Our inner critic. This little voice is there to protect you from the embarrassment of falling flat on your face, in case you become over-enthusiastic in life without calculating the risks. An inner critic is to be a friend; to be acknowledged that it's simply trying to keep you protected and spare you any sort of humiliation.

But self-doubt happens when the same inner critic voice inside you becomes oppressively mightier than your self-worth. Slightly knocking you off and woefully formatting your fearlessness into holding your spirit and your limbs.

None of us are immune to self-doubt. (Just leave those serial killers from your self-doubting list, because they clearly need a surplus of self-doubt so they don’t do harsh things to people.) Other than that all of us, me and you, our children, our parents; all of us ordinary earthlings - are self-suspicious, self-doubting people trying to live ordinary lives.

And self-doubt takes away all the delight from our ordinary.

Dr Margie Warrell, an author, a leadership coach and a Forbes Magazine contributor writes, “Self-doubt is part and parcel of the human experience. As it should be. We don't have to look too far to see that too little self-doubt can be outright dangerous. Yet left unchecked, the fear that fuels our doubt can drive us to be over cautious and keep us from taking the very actions that would help us and serve others… Doubt sits triumphant. Actions go undone.”

The Why

We self-doubt because we have adequate fear of what others would think of our image. How would we be perceived? That is the fear that cripples us.

American artist, Keith Harring (1958–1990) wrote,

“I guess it’s because I’m afraid. Afraid I’m wrong. And I guess I’m afraid I’m wrong, because I constantly relate myself to other people, other experiences, other ideas. I should be looking at both in perspective, not comparing. I relate my life to an idea or an example that is some entirely different life. I should be relating it to my life only in the sense that each has good and bad facets. Each is separate. The only way the other attained enough merit, making it worthy of my admiration, or long to copy it is by taking chances, taking it in its own way. It has grown with different situations and has discovered different heights of happiness and equal sorrows. If I always seek to pattern my life after another, mine is being wasted re-doing things for my own empty acceptance. But, if I live my life my way and only let the other influence me as a reference, a starting point, I can build an even higher awareness instead of staying dormant… I only wish that I could have more confidence and try to forget all my silly preconceptions, misconceptions, and just live. Just live. Just. Live. Just live till I die.”

Antidote of Self-Doubt

When I looked closely into the matter and looked inside myself I found that the antidote to self-doubt is- just do.

So how do we dismiss the doubt?

We don’t.

What we do is understand the power it has over us and then overcome it.

Sol LeWitt, a very celebrated artist wrote his answer to his friend, Eva Hesse, a sculptor artist, when she moved to Germany with her husband and was under tremendous weight of self-doubt. Eva wrote to Sol for some counsel and in his letter Sol writes,

“Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, numbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself. Stop it and just

DO”

He further writes,

“Do more. More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines,… more… whatever — make them abound with nonsense. Try and tickle something inside you, your “weird humor.”… Don’t worry about cool, make your own uncool. Make your own, your own world. If you fear, make it work for you — draw & paint your fear & anxiety. And stop worrying about big, deep things such as “to decide on a purpose and way of life, a consistant approach to even some impossible end or even an imagined end.” You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty. Then you will be able to

DO

In short, when you just do, you are doubting your doubts because your doubts are not the truth (since there is only one truth in the universe), you train your boldness and bravery each day, learn to answer back to self-doubt and take action despite your uneasiness. When we keep on becoming prudent we also understand that it is difficult but not impossible.

And that’s my way to cope with things. Things inside can become crazily doubtful, the world outside is hardly helpful. But trying to do what I know: to shine my little lamp over here each week, and with much hope turn the mind towards some good things.

But however meaningless and vain, however dead life appears, the man of faith, of energy, of warmth, and who knows something, doesn’t let himself be fobbed off like that. He steps in and does something, and hangs on to that, in short, breaks, “violates”…

- Van Gogh

Delights of the Ordinary currently is a free publication. Yet it takes me many hours of effort to write and curate it. I may need lots of coffee to keep me going. You can

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Now to the drill of sharing my internet finds that may delight you or amuse you or may just not interest you at all. Wherever you are, you are still welcome to explore:

To Read: If you love reading then visit Paris Review, an online magazine that always yields some great stories by some talented writers. Read this piece where the magazine asked its “contributors to send their dreams: most did not. A few did.” “Dreams have gossip value—containing what didn’t happen that was so salacious.” Mostly my dreams are always nonsensical and so weird that I wish to forget them for better. Read the dreams that people dared to share with the magazine. Here is the link.

To watch: Some artists are so brilliant that it becomes wildly harder to uncomplicate their art in our heads. I read it somewhere, that when you look at art, do not engage your head. Let the heart do the discerning. This is meant to be true for most artists.

Mostly, art is this tool that has the bravery to carry you away from the meaningless, ultra funky, unfulfilled life and fill some colours and some different shapes, when we are used to look at the rectangular architecture of our urban spaces.

The Neuroscientists share about creativity, art, our brain and our fears.

To quote: “I long to accomplish a great and noble task; but it is my chief duty and joy to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.” - Helen Keller

In the End:

The Things That Count by Ella Wheeler Willcox (1850-1919)

Now, dear, it isn’t the bold things,

Great deeds of valour and might,

That count the most in the summing up of life at the end of the day.

But it is the doing of old things,

Small acts that are just and right;

And doing them over and over again, no matter what others say;

In smiling at fate, when you want to cry, and in keeping at work when you want to play— Dear, those are the things that count.

My dear, it isn’t the loud part

Of creeds that are pleasing to God,

Not the chant of a prayer, or the hum of a hymn, or a jubilant shout or song.

But it is the beautiful proud part

Of walking with feet faith-shod;

And in loving, loving, loving through all, no matter how things go wrong;

In trusting ever, though dark the day, and in keeping your hope when the way seems long— Dear, these are the things that count.

Wishing you sweetness in this crazy weather.

I wish you serene summers and plenty of time to see and cherish life.

Anugrah

Delights of the Ordinary

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Who am I?

Hi, I am Anugrah. I write Delights of the Ordinary for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone and love for life. My newsletter intersects culture, art, and inner health in our practical 9-5 job space. Feel free to share.

Stumbled on my publication? Explore all my previous editions here. And in case you don’t wish to spend time browsing then complement this post with Lessons from our Moms, To The Ordinary Woman or read about Decision Fatigue and Our Creative Life.