To The Ordinary Woman: Delights of the Ordinary No. 36
On this International Women's Day I write this letter to delight in the ordinary everyday woman who has lived to see life right in its eyes.
Hi, I am Anugrah. I write Delights of the Ordinary for us who are trapped in the world of hustle culture but are quiet at heart with an itching creative bone. This newsletter intersects culture, art and our practical 9-5 job space. If you know even one person who will benefit from reading Delights of the Ordinary, feel free to share so they can subscribe.
"I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good.”
- Maya Angelou
Spring is here!
It may mean various things to various people. But it also means a slow subdued shift from the grey-some stifling winters - ploddingly spring-ing from the tough grounds towards exhibits of colours.
Somewhere in my spring of 2004, when I was pivoting from studenthood to becoming a working woman; redefining my womanliness; setting my feet in the subway speeding, ambitiousness of Delhi, my mother wrote letters to me. Some were like warm motherly hugs while some were woman-to-woman practical chats in letters. Those words that would let you know about the world outside, “which is sharply rugged and your being a woman in it is difficult. But then, that doesn’t stop you from doing and reaching what you have set your heart on. That, as a woman things won’t call for cheers and back-thumping-accolades all the time. And some days you will have to do a lot more to tell the world that you matter just like anyone. Nevertheless, in those times don’t be disheartened because as a woman I now know this route. You may face dejection but if you have even the tiniest grid of people and friends who believe in your spark and the light you carry, a mustard seed faith in the God of the universe, you will be doing what you are called to do.
Your Mama”
Letters carry the heart of the one who writes it. They get much deeper, into the gravels of our hubs and soul.
But I sense that letters are lost in today’s skyscape of cloud computing and wordless emojis. Mary Thom bemoaned once saying, “Letter writing is nearly a lost art in this age of telephones and easy travel — and the receipt of written correspondence that is detailed and witty is a lost pleasure.”
Mary Thom (1944–2013), was a founding editor of the radical feminist magazine ‘Ms.’ Around 1970 when women were coming to the fore from the suffocating inequality and injustice at the workplaces, Mary Thom, through her work ‘changed the voice of women’s rights.’ She published letters as the voice of ordinary women in America.
In her words, “Ms. magazine began publishing in 1972,… the rich variety of the letters that were addressed to the editors. They allowed us to get to know thousands of our readers on a level of intimacy that one shares with only a few real-life friends.”
I so hope that Delights of the Ordinary remain these letters of upbeat usurps hitting your daily humdrum on every right note. On this International Women’s Day, we may not know when will we have equality in our pay cheques, or when women will be safe in the dark or in broad daylight, but we do know that our small graceful courage will ripple to simply refuse to have our life narrowed and disallowed. And so if you are single you are no less than the one who has created a family! If you are a homemaker you are no less than the one who steps out to work.
“Now I ask myself, is caring for my children less important, less valuable, less a responsibility? Or is lawn cutting and gardening considered harder and more taxing physical work? (Two active children under five can be pretty hard, taxing, physical work, too.) Or is it that boys just ask for and receive high wages from the beginning? And is it that child care is, anyway, considered to be “women’s work” and not deserving of pay?”
- Marge Mitchell’s letter to ‘Ms.’ magazine, published in the September 1974 issue
Create Ripples of Pristine Embrace
As women set in our ordinary lives I remind myself and also you to not omit your significance. Since we are spinning so much in our little nook of roles and responsibilities, we ought to believe that in the larger scheme of ordinary things, we are creating little renaissance. We may not realize it but we are.
Strong women just don’t exist in elusive unattainable places. They are in you. In me. Working over the ordinary kitchen counters, in our ordinary tops and joggers, cheering on our children's sac race, managing our Excel sheets at work, hosting families, attending to crises, holding a lot within themselves so that everything is kept under the safer skies.
How does Our Small Ripples in Our Ordinary World Look Like:
As a woman what I need is a clean house, a hair conditioner and lots of books! And I am good to go. If my essential needs are this tiny then the rest of it is a matter of mindful choice.
Make a list of your three basics that will make you delighted and content. Count anything else as luxury. Keep these essentials as the comforting detail of your life and then give back that tranquil love and energy to your family, children, work, friends and whosoever you touch.
Create those ripples of pristine embraces.
Because, in our ordinary universe we are left with almost no motive to make sure if we can do more than just what we do. Sometimes life is lived between serving breakfast to pursuing the green traffic lights, avoiding bumpy roads to indoor obligations. We forget to create little jumps and even forget to hum a song beneath the scorching sun. We forget a great deal of ordinary things that can create shelves in our hearts where we could place small tumults, tiny laughter and smiles. These are little renaissance moments.
Why do advertisers persist in selling the image of the beautiful, shapely woman executive who keeps the same perfectly made-up face and styled hair, even after a hard day of earning a six-figure salary, dining in expensive restaurants, having a brisk game of tennis at the club, and a late night of discotheque hopping? It’s no surprise that real women are tempted to wonder what they’re doing wrong.
- Deborah K. Smith’s letter to Ms. magazine published in July 1980 Issue
And now as your internet curator, to some good internet finds. I hope you will like it.
To Cook: Cook for pleasure, if you may. Also, read about sweet potatoes and their significance in Taiwanese culture and then the recipe for Frozen Baked Sweet Potatoes. “An oxymoron-sounding name, but a real Taiwanese classic: Frozen Baked Sweet Potatoes. These are baked to caramel-sweet perfection, then frozen to achieve an almost popsicle-like texture.” Find the recipe here (click).
To Quote: “Only bad things happen quickly, . . . Virtually all the happiness-producing processes in our lives take time, usually a long time: learning new things, changing old behaviors, building satisfying relationships, raising children. This is why patience and determination are among life’s primary virtues. ”
― Gordon Livingston M.D.
To Watch: As an Indian, I do not need a recipe to cook ‘Dal’ but I have loved watching Ryoya Takashima of Peaceful Cuisine from Japan (who doesn’t use music or talks in his video.) He has his Japanese version of cooking the Indian Dal and Rice, which is Dal-Chawal, a mandatory lunch of our Indian summers. Try his recipe or simply watch for its clear nostalgic pleasure.
To End: On this International Women’s Day, I may just simply write a poem to all my beautiful women readers. (To men let the women in your life know that you honour their existence.)
Locks on Your Tender Spaces by Anugrah
I hope that you have not locked the shine of your eyes in the cupboard along with all your clothes.
I hope that in the spaces of each day, you haven’t sealed your buoyant laugh before stepping out of your home.
Though the world has given a day to honour you, I hope you have not forgotten to honour yourself.
And if you are living that ordinary life of unfathomable responsibilities,
I hope you have not left the extraordinary charm of your grace on your kitchen counter.
I hope that you will tend to yourself, unlock and find yourself once more.
Till next week, keep delighting in your ordinary because life is beautiful and that is why we live each day in it.
- Anugrah
Delights of the Ordinary started somewhere in April of twenty-twenty-three with just two readers and now has a readership of 140+ of you. I am highly grateful for the time and room that you give me in your heart.
Delights of the Ordinary currently is a free publication. Yet it takes me many hours of effort to write and curate it. I may need lots of coffee to keep me going. You can :)
Stumbled on my publication? Explore all my previous editions here. And in case you don’t wish to spend time browsing then read my February editions:
The Knobbly Bits of Friendship or read about
We Are Still Learning To Love.
And don’t forget to
Happy Women's Day. I am so grateful. I must confess, almost all good blog writers when it comes to tell about life in general are women. You guys have a great talent to put things in such a great and soothing perspective, its a natural gift. I have loved writing letters, and have gifted them to many. And have inspired many to write big letters, specially handwritten or at least an email for the tech savvy people. Thanks for inspiring again, and teaching something new as always...